


Taking Steps Towards You, Forever

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, No Slash, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-07-14
Updated: 2004-11-09
Packaged: 2018-12-27 11:57:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12080589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Post season 3/Alternative season 4. What the end of season 3 could have led to for the Liberty gang and how their lives could have played out... Follows Brian and Justin and they make their lives together...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

As I’m from Australia and therefore haven’t seen any of season 4, there will be no spoilers in this story and its just totally as if its being picked up from somewhere soon after season 3 ended… If you like all the angst of Brian and Justin having huge dramas then this story is probably not for you – there will be drama and other people trying to get in the way but the boys will always stick it out and be together… What can I say, it’s my story and that’s how I like them…

* * *

Brian had made himself a promise when Justin and he had reunited – that he would never let him go again. Even if that meant sacrificing all else, he would be willing to do so, as long as it meant he would have the right to kiss, touch… love, whenever and wherever he wanted to.

As it turned out that was exactly what had happened… He had no job, no money and no nothing – but for some reason it just didn’t seem like he had nothing. Because when Justin looked at him with those eyes that bore right into his soul and smiled that ‘sunshine’ smile, he still felt like he had it all. Nobody, not even Mikey, made Brian feel the way Justin could with a simple look.

He’d lived his whole life feeling unloved and unwanted and was reserved to the fact that he always would… That is until Justin came along and wanted to be part of his life… Something changed inside him and he felt… well loved. Though Brian never let on that he liked it and even reciprocated it, he still felt it… So when Justin left and that feeling was gone was when Brian realised how much he truly needed and wanted it. He also discovered he only wanted it from Justin.

So when he got the chance to get it back, he took it. It didn’t matter that things had gone wrong cause he truly believed they were meant to be…   
They had been back together for six months now and it had been one month since they had lost all the big things that Brian had once considered so important… But he now realised, it was the little things that counted… Things like waking up next to Justin, showering with Justin, holding Justin in bed, drinking coffee with Justin… Brian was a smart enough man to recognise a pattern when he saw one – as long as things were good with Justin, nothing else mattered. To Brian that was all he ever needed or wanted and he was pretty sure that he would soon be ready to verbalise that emotion… He just knew he’d have to do it in steps to achieve the goal… Break things down into manageable, doable actions… 

Step number one was to see the end of the tricking… Justin didn’t know that the tricking had ceased but Brian needed to assure himself that it had before he let it on to the man he was going to ensure was his life partner… It wasn’t that he hadn’t told Justin because he wanted the option to go out and trick if need be and didn’t want to commit to Justin so that he could do so… He hadn’t told Justin yet because he wanted to make sure he could do it and not hurt his young lover if he failed or slipped up… One thing Brian knew was that hurting Justin was not an option – it only caused himself more pain and grief… 

So the tricking had been over for about a month – since that night on Liberty… When Brian looked at Justin, standing on the steps outside Woody’s, and thought that he was it – he was the man for him… Some where he knew that even before that moment but that moment confirmed it and it was like his whole body was alive and he just knew that Justin was enough… 

Making sure that Justin felt like he was enough and telling him that the tricking had ended was what Brian had set as the first step…


	2. Taking Steps Towards You, Forever

Brian had been out meeting with old clients about freelancing work all morning and as he stood in the elevator going up to his loft he couldn’t help but feel content… He was starting to work again, all his debts were nearly paid and he was once again raking in the money, Soon he’d even have enough to buy back all those big things he’d given up… But more than any of that – he had Justin, he was happy - they were happy.  
He was a little taken back though when he heard music coming from his loft. He hurriedly opened the door. Justin was the only other person with a key to the loft and he knew he’d had his first class back at PIFA this morning and had been starting a new internship this afternoon at a Computer Graphics Company.  
The CD playing was REM and the song “Everybody Hurts” was on repeat… Meaning that it was defiantly Justin who had been listening to it, Brian thought as he entered but did not see the boy.  
“Justin?” Brian spoke as he dumped his stuff on the counter in the kitchen.  
No response.  
“Justin?” Brian asked again as he looked around the empty loft.   
He walked over to the CD player and turned it off before ascending the stairs to the bedroom. He saw the blonde beauty in the bed… He was curled up in a foetal position, under the blanket, shaking slightly.   
Brian quickened his steps and sat on the bed, reaching out and touching Justin’s arm. Justin tensed under the touch and then looked up at his lover…  
“What’s wrong?” Brian asked worriedly.  
Justin simply uncurled himself and moved his head onto Brian’s lap. Brian began stroking his matted hair as Justin’s heart beat slowly returned to normal – once again feeling safe in his lovers presence.   
“Justin, what happened?”  
Justin sighed and slowly sat up to look Brian in the eyes. His beautiful blue eyes still wet with tears…   
“You’ll never believe who else is interning at COMP Graphics… and is working with me on our first assignment…”  
Brian couldn’t bring himself to say either of the three names that sprung to his mind. There were 3 people that had hurt Justin enough to have this sort of effect on the usually strong young man… Himself – for all the shit he’d put the boy through for the first 18 months of their whatever it was back then, Ethan – for whatever it was that he did to Justin that caused him to end up fucking tricks in the backroom at Babylon as pain management and…   
“Hobbs.” Justin barely spoke, new tears rolling down his cheeks.   
Brian lightly brushed them away with his thumb and swiftly took the smaller man into his arms. They sat like that for awhile whilst Brian slowly rubbed up and down his back. When Justin stopped sobbing he pulled away and looked up at his older lover…  
“Sorry,” he said pulling his knees up under his chin.  
“What for?” Brian asked, confused.  
“For coming here and letting myself in. I just…”  
Brian cut him off, “Justin where else would you go? It’s why you have a key.”  
“Well I guess I should have gone home,”  
Brian visibly winced at the statement. He very much wanted the loft to be Justin’s home as well but wasn’t a step he was up to undertaking – yet…  
“Bri, you know what I mean… I didn’t mean to get in your hair.”  
Brian once again winced. Justin was never in his hair, he just never told him that…  
“There’s no one else I’d rather have in there.” Brian smiled. And he meant it.  
A small smile crept up Justin’s face and his eyes twinkled a little.  
“Do you want me to go?”  
“No.” He wanted to add ‘never’ but once again, wrong step being undertaken…  
So Justin stretched out on the bed and lay his head down on the pillow. Brian divested himself of his clothing and slipped in beside Justin’s warm body. Justin soon flipped over and lay across Brian’s chest and fell asleep. Brian though just lay there holding the youngster close to him, remembering how Hobbs had nearly torn them apart before…  
He wouldn’t let it happen again…

**************  
About an hour later Justin awoke to find himself still lying in Brian’s arms.  
“Hey.” He said simply, looking up into his lover’s eyes.  
“Feeling better?”  
“I felt better the moment you took me in your arms…”  
Brian smiled at Justin.   
Justin began to get up when he felt Brian’s hand grip his wrist…  
“You know I’ll never let him hurt you again?” It was as much a statement as it was a question.  
Justin flashed his ‘sunshine’ smile and then got up from the comfort of Brian’s bed.  
“Where you going?”  
“Got to face the world some time. You won’t always be here to protect me.” With that Justin exited into the bathroom.  
Brian so desperately wanted to say, yes he would, but instead he got up himself and followed Justin into the bathroom, slipping out of his underwear and joining his lover in the shower, to show him his intentions.

*************  
Justin looked up from his place at the desk where he was drawing when he heard a knock at the door. He looked at Brian asleep on the couch and decided to get up and get it himself…  
“Hey Justin.” Hunter greeted him, pushing past him into the loft.  
Justin shut the door after the kid and returned to his spot at the desk. Brian stirred on the couch as he listened to the intruder and Justin.  
“I tried you at home as I was finishing my shift at the diner but there was no one there so I figured you’d be here…” Hunter said, explaining his presence.  
Justin just nodded and continued drawing in his sketchbook.  
“What are you drawing?” Hunter asked leaning over Justin’s shoulder.  
“Just a memory.” Justin tried to brush it off…  
“Hey, that’s you and Brian. You’re all dressed up. Where were you?”  
“My Prom…” Justin closed the sketchbook abruptly and turned to look at the kid who had become his friend since his return with Michael. Justin loved having a friend closer to his age who he could talk to and though they’d gotten off to a rough start the two had grown quite close…  
Brian was now walking over to Justin. He pulled the smaller man out of his seat and into a tight embrace, as if he were Gus, and held him for a second. Hunter didn’t ask any questions, Mikey had told him about the events of Justin’s Prom…  
“Did you want something specific, Hustler? Oh, sorry, I mean Hunter...” Brian had taken to paying the younger man out about the similarity between Hunter’s name and his former profession - in a good natured way… Justin slapped Brian’s chest with the back of his hand as he pulled out of the embrace.  
“Oh, I just came to hang out with Justin and hear about his day.”   
Justin winced a little before smiling; only Brian caught it though…  
“Nothing really exciting happened.” Justin lied to his friend.  
“Oh come on, you started back at college and began your internship today. I want to hear all about it.” Hunter grabbed Justin’s hand and led him over to the couch. Brian opted not to comment on the flinch Justin gave at the contact with the other teen.  
Brian heard Justin begin to tell his day as he opened the sketchbook and saw the unfinished picture of himself and Justin dancing. He knew unfortunately that it was not Justin’s own memory he was drawing from, but rather one implanted by himself or Daphne. He then looked up at the two youngsters sitting on the couch gasbagging like teenagers – which they both basically were.  
Hunter had been hanging around the loft more and more since Mikey and he came back form their week long attempt at escaping Hunter’s mother… It now seemed basically settled that Hunter would stay and live with Michael and Ben… He’d said that Mikey had told him all about Justin’s and Brian’s relationship – Brian seriously doubted that though because Mikey didn’t even know half of the boy’s feelings for each other. He certainly didn’t know that Brian was in fact in love with the teen – but he would, sooner rather then later.  
But things had been different since they returned. Hunter had left obsessed with Brian and acted a lot like Justin had when they first met. But now he was all over Justin and Brian didn’t know why. He was quite happy for himself not to captivate the boy anymore but he was certainly growing jealous of how he now acted towards Justin. If he knew the story of Justin and Brian like he said he now did, he’d know to leave them alone. But Brian couldn’t help seeing that Hunter was becoming quite infatuated with Justin and he didn’t like it at all and he knew Justin was oblivious to it…  
Brian walked over to where the two were sitting on the couch. Hunter was now stretched out, his feet resting on Justin’s lap as Justin told him about his new boss and his job requirements. Brian noticed he’d not mentioned Hobbs at all…  
Brian swiped Hunter’s legs off of Justin and motioned for him to get up, acquiring a dirty look from the teen as he complied. He then managed to manoeuvre himself behind Justin on the couch. Hunter stared at him angrily but when he turned back to Justin his face was a light with a smile. Brian scowled and wrapped his arms around Justin, who leaned back into the touch, seemingly unaware of the tension between his lover and his friend. 

************  
After Hunter left, Justin also stood to leave.  
“Why don’t you stay?” Brian asked him.  
“I don’t want to intrude. I’ve taken up most of your evening – if you want to go out, go out, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”  
Brian hated how Justin did that. Since they got back together he really had stuck to that promise of not expecting more then Brian was willing to give. Brian thought giving up his job and his possessions would be enough to show Justin that he was willing to give everything, but Brian was willing to work on it – steps at a time…  
“Why don’t you come out too?”   
“Nah, I’m just… not up for it tonight. I have work tomorrow and I’ll have to face him… You go out, have fun, fuck some nice hot ass for me and I’ll speak to you later…”  
Brian grimaced. “You’re the only hot ass I’m fucking and its been that way for awhile, so going out and picking up is not an option anymore…”  
Justin looked absolutely floored.  
“Besides nothing is fun anymore without you there with me so… Just stay here, I’ll stay with you and we’ll work on releasing some tension.” Brian said tongue in cheek.  
Justin looked at him, still astonished at Brian’s declaration and when he thought about it he hadn’t seen any tricks in a long time…  
“We’ll talk about it later, when you’re less stressed, but yes I meant it…”  
Justin slowly smiled at Brian. It wasn’t his sunshine smile that everybody was used to… No this was a small, almost shy smile that really only Brian saw… It was a smile that saw a little blush creep into Justin’s cheeks and it made Brian’s heart beat faster every time he saw it and made it melt a little cause he knew it was he who put such a beautiful expression on the face of the man he loved…  
“I don’t think I’m up for anything too physical tonight.” Justin warned.  
“Then I’ll just hold you.”  
“Come on Brian, you and I both know you wouldn’t like that…”  
Brian paused a second and slowly, softly, almost inaudibly added… “If it’s with you, it’s enough.” Brian stared at Justin and shrugged.  
Justin stood staring at Brian for a couple of seconds. The small smile still on his face which was totally flushed from the statement that just left Brian’s lips.   
Brian walked over to where Justin was and stood in front of him for a moment, looking into the eyes he loved so much. He willed Justin to see that he really meant it. He saw Justin’s features change and recognised the love that reflected in Justin’s eyes only for him. Once again his heart melting… Justin nodded his head a little and Brian took his hand and led him up to the bedroom.

1st step taken…


	3. Taking Steps Towards You, Forever

Note: - (##### Indicates past #####)

* * *

Both Brian and Justin were lying in bed awake as the sun began to filter through the large windows of the loft. Having had an extremely fitful night, due to Justin’s nightmares, neither had gotten much sleep and when they had, it hadn’t been quality…

##### Brian had led his young lover up the few stairs to the bedroom and had slowly undressed him before gently lowering him onto the bed.   
He’d just revealed a rather large secret to Justin about his tricking and he knew the two needed to discus it in a lot more detail, just not right now…  
Now wasn’t about Justin spending the night so that Brian didn’t go to sleep horny and unsatisfied and now wasn’t about the status or direction of their undefined, unconventional relationship. No, now was purely about making sure that Justin understood that Brian knew Hobbs being back in their lives was going to be tough, but that they’d support each other through it.  
So Brian lay Justin on the bed, discarded his own clothing and slowly slid up to lie spooned with his lovers beautiful, lean body. Brian’s hand lightly traces circles on Justin’s trim abdomen whilst he waited for sleep to overtake them both.  
Brian didn’t know what was going on at first but soon he was awake enough to realise Justin was in the throws of one serious nightmare. He was thrashing about in his sleep. Brian knew from experience not to wake him up and even though it had been months since he’d had to apply his technique of looking after Justin during and after a nightmare, his instincts kicked in. Where Justin was concerned, it didn’t take a lot of time for Brian’s protective nature to kick in…  
So he slowly began whispering sweet nothings in Justin’s ear… Things such as, “It’s ok”, “I’m here”, “We survived before and we will again”, “I won’t let him hurt you” and “I’m not going anywhere.”  
After awhile Justin stopped thrashing and opened his eyes. It took him a second to get his bearings but then he realised he was at the loft, he was in Brian’s arms and it was Brian’s voice that had been helping him fight off the evils that prevailed in his dreams. He rolled over onto Brian’s chest and cried. Brian just held him, rubbing his back until he was once again asleep.  
The next nightmare caused Justin to wake first. He sat up straight in bed, shouting, “No, Brian.” Before losing his breath and flying into a full blown panic attack.  
Brian was awoken the second Justin had jumped out of his arms. He’d had plenty of practice at attending to Justin in these moments but he was once again a little out of date. He managed though to calm Justin quick enough to stop an asthma attack. ##### 

Both men had been awake since.   
Justin had a splitting headache and Brian knew it - but Justin was refusing to take any medication.  
They lay staring at the sunlight slowly filling the loft, each lost in their own thoughts. Brian about how Justin would cope with this and how unfair it was that he even had too at all. If he believed in God he would have been cursing the higher power and asking the age old question – “Why my kid, again?”   
Justin was thinking about Hobbs too, but rather what a coward and a sissy fagot he was for reacting the way he was.

 

*******  
About 20 minutes later Justin attempted to get out of bed.   
“What’s wrong?” Brian quickly asked, sensing his lover’s mood was severely off.   
“Nothing.” Justin replied, shaking Brian off and heading to the bathroom.  
Brian heard the shower start after awhile and knew Justin was avoiding him. So he got out of bed and went into the shower.  
Justin jumped when he felt Brian’s strong, muscular arms encircle his waist. Brian began nuzzling his neck in an attempt to show Justin that everything was alright between the two of them…

 

******  
“You shouldn’t have done it.” Justin broke the silence in the shower stall.  
“Done what?” Brian asked confused.  
“Stopped tricking for me.” Justin added quietly.  
Brian spun around, halting his morning shower rituals…  
“Excuse me?”  
“You shouldn’t have given it up for me.” Justin stated again, raising his eyes from the floor to Brian’s before dropping them back to the floor again.  
“What are you talking about?”  
“I’m not worth it. I’m just a weak faggot. How can you even touch me? You disserve better…” Justin never took his eyes off the floor…  
Brian was silent for a moment. Shocked that Justin would think that. He put his fingers under Justin’s chin and raised the young mans head so that their eyes met…  
“Hear me when I say this, Justin. We will discus me giving up the tricking later, maybe over dinner. But you will understand from this moment forth, you are worth dieing for – to me anyway. You are the strongest, bravest person I know and we will get through this…” He paused a moment before adding, “And it is me who doesn’t disserve you – but I’ve got you and I never plan on letting someone change that again.”  
Brian scrutinized Justin with his eyes; all Justin did was nod slowly.  
“No Justin, tell me you get it, because you’re it for me and you need to know, I’m not settling – I never settle. I’m getting a great deal here – a young, hot blonde with a great ass thrown in for fun.” Brian replied tongue in cheek, trying to ease the tension that surrounded them whilst also taking some of the edge off the seriousness of the conversation.  
Justin slowly began that beautiful smile that Brain loved… Brian took this as an invitation to crush their lips together. He turned off the shower, wrapped them both in towels and continued his ministrations of Justin’s body…

 

*******

As he was kissing his way down Justin’s chest and abdomen he decided, after their talk about no more tricking he’d work on the 2nd step to winning over Justin forever…

Feeling safe in their relationship.


	4. Taking Steps Towards You, Forever

After each had another shower, separately this time, they began their morning rituals of getting ready for the day. Brain was going to meet the boys for breakfast at the diner, whilst Justin was heading over to COMP Graphics for the second day of his internship.  
As Brian made coffee he watched Justin potter around gathering his things. Brian knew Justin wasn’t as calm as outward appearances would suggest, but he didn’t know how to bring it up with the kid. Deciding it was better to jump straight in…  
“So how much time do you think you will have to spend with him today?”  
Justin thought about playing dumb and asking ‘who, him’ but opted that on the topic of this particular person he didn’t have the energy for sarcasm…  
“I don’t really know but probably all day… Our workspace shares the same desk so…” Justin looked at Brian for a second before going back to what he was doing.  
As he was collecting his sketchbook he opened it to look at the last picture he had been working on. Brian walked over and wrapped his arms around Justin from behind, resting his chin on Justin’s shoulder…   
“I won’t let him take anything else from us.”   
Brian knew that when Hobbs had bashed Justin with the baseball bat he had not only crippled Justin physically and mentally, with his memory loss, nightmares, his hand… But he had also crippled their relationship. He’d destroyed his and Justin’s chance to move to the next level in their relationship. Brian had been admitting to Justin, by going to Prom, that he wanted to be the guy Justin thought he was. The one that when asked to do something, always came through. The one who could show his love and feel loved.   
But Hobbs had destroyed that and Brian had let him. Brian knew he could have still given Justin those things when he’d gotten out of the hospital, but he’d chickened out… Not this time though. This time Brian would not let Hobbs take this opportunity from them.  
“Do you want a lift?” Brian asked as Justin closed the book and put it in his bag.  
Justin took a shaky breath before turning in Brian’s arms. Brian could see the unshed tears in Justin’s eyes. He put his hands on the younger mans face and kissed him softly on the lips, leaving them lingering together as they shared the same breath.  
“That’d be good. Thanks.” With every syllable, Justin’s lips lightly brushed against Brian’s. 

 

*******  
The car trip had been almost silent and the fact that the corvette was a manual meant that there wasn’t much time for touching.   
As Brian had pulled up in front of the office block he saw one of the faces that haunted his dreams. If himself, Hobbs and Gold could turn Justin into a quivering mess, the last two could almost turn him into one – not that he’d show it on the outside. Those two were the only people that had successfully taken Justin away from him.  
When he saw Hobbs he felt the air leave his body. He stared straight at the teen before turning back to look at Justin. He saw that the blue eyes were also looking in Hobbs direction. Brian put his hand on the side of Justin’s face and brought it back to look at him.  
“I’ll pick you up?”  
“No. it’s alright…” Brian looked at Justin questioningly, “I have a shift at the diner at 4.”  
Brian nodded and brought the teen’s mouth to his for a kiss. Resting their foreheads together for a second before turning back to the front…  
“Well what are you waiting for?” He asked trying to lighten the mood.  
Justin grabbed his bag and exited the vehicle. Brian watched him walk inside before peeling off and heading to the diner.

 

*******  
As Brian was parking outside Liberty Diner his mobile rung and the screen indicated his old work partner was trying to get in touch with him. Figuring this could be an interesting conversation he opted to stay in the car and take the call.  
“Kinney.”  
“Brian, its Gardener Vance. How are you?” He asked as if he were speaking to an old friend he hadn’t heard form in awhile.  
“Drop the shit Vance, what’s up?”  
A small chuckle emitted across the line… “Never one for small talk – nothings changed.”  
Sighing, Brian just wanted to get to the point of the call.  
“Well let’s see it’s a funny story actually… It turns out that due to an error in judgement on my part the firm is in desperate need of an excellent Ad Exec and is also short one partner. I was wondering if you knew of anyone who might be interested?”  
Brian smirked, even though Vance couldn’t see it. He was actually intrigued by what the man had to say.  
“Go on…”  
“So I know things can’t be the same but I was thinking a 10% raise and elevation to senior partner may help to build the bridge, so to speak.”  
Brian liked that the man was straight to the point and in all honesty he knew he’d accept. He liked his job and he enjoyed working with Cynthia and despite himself he tolerated Vance.  
“15% rise, a pay rise for Cynthia to be negotiated with her and 45% of the partnership.”  
Brian knew Vance would never go 50/50, and Brian didn’t expect him too, even though he knew he was a better Ad Man and that more then half their clients were only there because of him. He just knew that if he owned a company he too would want the controlling shares.  
“I think it can be arranged. What’s say you have your lawyer call me today and we’ll get it all drawn up? Then if you come in, say Thursday, we’ll sign off and start anew next Monday.”  
Brian liked that – it gave him time to organise for Mel to go over everything and allowed for him to organise to bring over all the freelance stuff to the company.  
“I’ll be there at 11am, Thursday.”  
“Sounds good. And Brian, I am sorry.”  
“Sorry is bullshit… Thursday.”  
With that Brian disconnected the call. Deciding that he’d rather share the news with Justin before the rest of gay PA he opted to skip breakfast and head over to the munchers.

 

*******  
Brain and Mel had gone over some stipulations Mel thought Brian should have included in the new contract. She had phoned Vance and spoken to his lawyers to get them added…  
“So how goes the expansion?” Brian asked, tongue in cheek, looking at Mel’s stomach where the growth of the unborn baby was just starting to show.   
Mel looked at him hard before getting up and leaving the dining room…  
“Lindsay! The pricks all yours!”  
Brian sniggered as Linds walked in with Gus in tow.   
“Hey there Sonny Boy. What you up too?”  
Gus had the saddest look on his face and just before a sob escaped, along with some tears he managed a…  
“You not bring my Sunshine.”  
Gus’ first word had been Sunshine and it had turned out that he too referred to Justin by the popular nickname.  
Brian smiled and lifted Gus to his lap…  
“He’s at work but I’m sure he misses you too.”  
“He not ring yet today, Daddy.”  
Brian looked at Lindsay confused.  
“He rings everyday to talk to Gus, otherwise Gus gets cranky. He thinks he owns him.”  
Brian smiled at his little boy. Both Kinney men were totally under the blondes influence.  
“Must be in the genes.” Brian mumbled.  
“What was that?”  
Brian looked up at Lindsay; he didn’t mean to say that out loud. Linds just smiled warmly, knowingly at him.  
“Well Sonny Boy I’m sure he’ll ring before bed time. He’s just going to be a little busy for awhile, til he’s settled.”  
Brian knew his son didn’t really understand what he was saying but he was sure it would answer some of Lindsay’s next questions.  
Gus looked at both of his parents, shrugged and left the room in search of toys. On his way out he stated proudly, “When I run’d-away, I taking my Sunshine wit me…”  
Brian once again looked at Linds confused.  
“I told you, he thinks he owns him. Therefore wherever he goes, Justin goes too.”  
“I may have to fight you for that.” Brian smiled at his son in the other room.  
Lindsay sat down at the table and began the interrogation, “So how’s the new job going for him?”  
“Hobbs is working there too.”  
Lindsay took awhile to get over her initial shock…  
“WHAT! Is he alright?” That was from Mel, entering back into the room from the kitchen.  
Brian knew if there were any people whom felt nearly as protective of Justin as himself and Debbie felt, it was the munchers.

 

*******  
Brian had spent most of the day with Gus and the lesbians. He’d then run a couple of errands, stopped by Mikey’s comic book store for a chat and now it was 5pm he thought he’d go and share his good news with Justin, find out about his day and have some dinner at the diner.  
Brian knew immediately that Justin’s day hadn’t gone well. He looked absolutely dead on his feet. Brian also noticed that his hand was shaking a little as he poured coffee and water to the customers.  
Taking a seat in the booth and waiting til he wasn’t busy to grab the boy’s attention, he surveyed the room. It wasn’t very full, therefore Justin would probably be able to stop and chat. He motioned for him to come over…  
“Guess what! I got a phone call from Vance today?”  
“Really? And what did he have to say?”  
“Offered me my job back only with better benefits and higher wage.”  
“Wow Brian, that’s great, if that’s what you want then that’s awesome.” Justin tried to sound more enthusiastic, and he really meant what he was saying – he was just tired.  
Brain smiled at him, he looked just like Gus did when Justin gave him high praise over a picture he’d drawn or something… Debbie joined the two and also heard the good news. When Brian and Debbie started discussing it, Justin excused himself and went and served some other customers.  
“So what’s wrong with him?” Debbie asked soon after Justin had left.  
Brian figured if he’d wanted Debbie to know he would have told her himself when his shift began so he just shrugged and asked, “Can he sit for awhile?”  
“Sure, just til the dinner rush starts though. SUNSHINE! Take a break.”  
Justin came over shortly after and sighed. Brian slid a little further into the booth, making space for his lover to sit next to him. Justin plopped into the seat, arms outstretched on the table and rested his head on top of them. Brains fingers were instantly attracted to stroking the boys beautiful blonde locks. Justin turned his head and his eyes met Brian’s…  
“That bad?”  
Justin just nodded, closing his eyes as a single tear escaped. Brian kept stroking his head.

##### Justin had managed to avoid being alone with Hobbs all day, but at lunchtime the teen seemed to seek him out.  
“So Taylor, your still the mans little whore I saw.”  
Justin just looked up from his sandwich before looking away. Hobbs promptly sat down next to him. His hand brushed Justin’s thigh for a brief moment and Justin thought he may have imagined it. Then out of nowhere Hobbs’ hand was on his dick…  
“WHAT THE FUCK!” Justin exclaimed, jumping away. He looked around but they were alone in the lunch room.  
“I figured if your still whoring yourself out to him, maybe you’re up to helping me out a little too.”  
Justin had just walked away in complete shock.   
The rest of the day had been terrible. Hobbs was always brushing up against him and Justin had had a migraine since about 2pm and his hand had started shaking not long after… ##### 

Justin shuddered at recalling Hobbs touching him. Brian noticed and went to wrap his arms around the boy. As Justin had his eyes closed still and had been thinking about Hobbs he didn’t realise it was Brian and he’d jumped from the booth. Brain had looked at him totally bewildered.  
“Justin…”  
“I’m fine. I’m good. I need to work.” With that he left Brian alone in the booth and went back to work.

 

*******  
About 40 minutes later the gang were all there, eating and talking. They were discussing Vance crawling back on his knees, begging for Brian to come back. Brian had tried to tell them at first that that wasn’t the way it had happened but had decided to let them believe what they wanted.  
Brian had more pressing matters to think about. His eyes had rarely strayed from Justin and he had noticed Debbie had begun to take care of all of the drink pouring.  
“Brian, maybe I should send him home? But there’s nobody to cover and I can’t handle the crowd alone.” Debbie told him as she stopped to refill their drinks.  
Everybody stopped what they were doing and stared at Justin a moment before beginning to discus what could be troubling the beautiful, young blonde.  
Hunter stood up from the booth and went over to speak to Justin. After a few moments of conversation, Justin took off his apron and handed it to Hunter. Hunter grabbed Justin into a hug and although Justin tried to pull away, he wasn’t fast enough and Hunter held him for awhile. He felt really uncomfortable, but didn’t want to make a scene.  
Brian stared daggers at Hunter as he held Justin and continued too as the two approached the booth.  
“I’m going to take over Justin’s shift so that he can go home and rest.” Hunter announced.  
“Oh thank-you honey. Aren’t you a good friend.” Debbie patted the boy’s cheek whilst Brian tried not to puke… “Now Sunshine you go home, get some rest and we’ll talk tomorrow.”  
Justin thanked Hunter again and left to collect his things before anyone at the table could ask him questions about what was wrong. When he returned with his stuff Brian was standing, keys out, waiting for him. He really didn’t want to go back to the loft. He didn’t want to be touched, he just wanted to run and hide.  
Brian saw the uncertainty cross Justin’s face and he knew he’d be thinking up a way to not go with him. Well too bad! Part of Brian’s next step meant Justin had to know that Brian and he would face things together…


	5. Taking Steps Towards You, Forever

As Brian had left the diner, with Justin in tow, he’d given Hunter a victorious, smug look over his shoulder. Hunter only scowled and had begun working.

 

*******  
Brian left Justin with no choice but to come back to the loft with him without giving him a full explanation as to why he wouldn’t want too and as Justin didn’t want to tell anyone about what was happening he just submitted.   
Once in the corvette, Justin just turned and stared out the window, silent for the entire trip. Brian eyed him warily throughout the drive but decided not to push Justin into talking until he was ready. He’d just make sure that Justin knew he was there for him and he figured that once Justin felt safe in that, then he’d open up.  
At the loft, Justin had headed straight for the shower and had locked the bathroom door behind him. Brian, hearing the click of the lock immediately decided that first thing tomorrow that lock was gone!  
Justin scrubbed his skin til it was red raw – trying to wash the feeling of dirtiness that Hobbs gave off him. After about 40 minutes, as the hot water ran out, Justin decided it was an impossible task and decided to get out. He stood staring at himself in the mirror thinking about all the things that must be wrong with him for this to be happening to him. These things always seemed to happen to him.  
Tears were streaming down his face as his mind categorised all his faults. ‘He was a huge disappointment to his father – in fact he didn’t even know whether his father still thought of him as his son. He’d destroyed his mother’s marriage, turned Molly’s life upside down and inside out and had forced Brian to do things he’d never wanted to do… Lost Brian his job, got kicked out of school and now, due to the month of work he’d missed, would be lucky to pass this semesters courses. Brian had tricked in the past because he wasn’t enough – he didn’t know what to make of him stopping now… God the list could go on and on.’  
*KNOCK, KNOCK.*  
“Justin, you ok?” Brian asked from the other side of the doorway.  
Justin quickly washed his face and opened the bathroom door.  
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” He attempted a smile as he quickly met Brian’s eyes before looking away and walking past him to get some clothes.  
It was obvious to Brian that the young man had been crying, from the puffy, red eyes…

 

*******  
That night Brian had decided to discus the tricking situation with Justin and had asked the boy to sit down on the bed whilst they did so. He figured he was good at presentations so he would set this out kind of the way he set them out. Like he was selling a product to a client, only this time the product was himself and his new found devotion to his lover.   
“So as I told you the other day, I’m no longer tricking and I haven’t been for about a month now.” He began.  
“And I told you I’m not worth it.” Justin added.  
“Oh but you are and you said you believed me when I told you that this morning.”  
“I said, I know you believe that I’m worth it…”  
“Well I do and seeing as my opinion is the only one in the world that actually matters, it’s the one you should put all your stock in.” He said to the boy, tongue in cheek.  
Justin graced him with a flicker of that smile he loved before lowering his eyes to the mattress, waiting for Brian to continue.  
“So I just wanted to let you know that I really was serious. I wanted to tell you, from me, that that night on Liberty, when we were standing on the steps at Woody’s watching everyone dance in the street was the night I knew it was over. I knew, in that moment that all I needed was to be with you. You are enough for me.”  
Justin eyed Brian warily, not really wanting to allow himself to believe that the man he loved really loved him back. He looked deep into Brian’s eyes and seemed to find what he was looking for because that special smile graced his face.   
“I want you to understand that I want just us to be in this… relationship… you and me… nobody else.”  
After a couple of moments of silence Justin nodded…  
“Ok Brian. I can do that.”  
Brian smiled and launched himself on top of Justin, kissing the boy feverishly.   
“This is what you want, isn’t it?”   
“It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”  
That was all Brian needed before he once again started kissing his lover. Justin felt uncomfortable as Brian’s hands wondered all over his body but he knew if he didn’t keep up the sex with Brian then he would go back to the tricking and he didn’t think he could stand to have what he wanted from Brian dangled right in front of his face and then taken away.  
“Justin, if you don’t want to, we don’t have to,” Brian said seriously, as if reading his lovers mind. “You are enough. Holding you is enough. Being with you is enough. I told you that.”  
This time that smile really graced the boy’s features. He didn’t want too, but he wanted Brian to know how much it meant to him that he would do this for him, so he just kissed him. Their passion renewing.

 

*******  
2 WEEKS LATER  
*******  
Brian had noticed so many changes in his lover since that night at the loft, only changes that a lover could notice. They seemed closer then ever on the surface, they acted like a real couple that was in love and they discussed everything from Brian’s hectic time getting everything back on track at work to Justin’s stress over his classes.  
But Justin was still touchy and when Brian tried to start something, although the boy always complied, his whole heart just didn’t seem in it. He knew that he wasn’t with anyone else because Justin was always reachable by phone and home when he dropped by, he was just emotionally distant. He rarely ate, studied all the time and when he wasn’t studying, working at the diner or at his internship, he slept. He hardly ever slept over and when he did he noticed that he was taking sleeping pills to get through the nights and when he didn’t take them he was having terrible nightmares.  
Brian just kept doing all he could to make him feel like he wasn’t alone. But he had this overwhelming feeling that something deeper was going on with Justin and he needed to figure out away to find out what it was so that he could help him.

 

*******  
After yet another day of Hobbs implying sexual things to him by words, looks and touches, Justin was just totally wiped out.

##### Just like every other trip to work, whether it be on the bus or in Brian’s car he felt himself begin shaking and sweating a little, today was no different. He always had to fight to keep it under control so that he wouldn’t lose it and so that Brian didn’t know what was wrong.   
He arrived at work, went and put his stuff away at his desk and went to make himself some coffee. When he saw that Hobbs was at the coffee machine, he changed his direction and went into the bathroom. He was staring at himself in the mirror trying not to think about how utterly terrified he was of the other teen when he heard his name…  
“Taylor, so nice to see you.”   
“What do you want Chris?”  
“For you to either finish what you started with me or for me to get a chance with you, you whore.”  
At this Hobbs pushed Justin into the nearest cubicle and shut and locked the door. He put his hand over Justin’s mouth so that he couldn’t make a noise and proceeded to unbutton Justin’s pants, using his body to keep the boy pushed against the wall. His hand slid inside Justin’s underwear and began to stroke his cock. Finding though that Justin simply wouldn’t ‘rise to the occasion’ he gave up his ministrations starring daggers at the boy in front of him.   
“What’s the deal Taylor? I thought a little whore like you would always be up for some action…”  
Justin just squirmed under the scrutiny and looked away. Hobbs took his hand out of the other teen’s pants and gave him a rough shove back against the wall.  
“You’re pathetic!”  
And with that Hobbs had left the bathroom, leaving Justin totally in shock and gasping to regain his breathe with out bursting into tears.  
The rest of the day went by agonizingly slowly, with Hobbs once again using Justin as a post to rub up against as he went past. As Justin was packing his stuff up to go home to change for the day Hobbs once again cornered him…  
“One day soon Taylor…” was whispered in his ear as Hobbs put his hand on Justin’s arse and then turned and left. #####

Justin arrived home to find three new messages on his and Daphne’s answering machine. One from his mother and two from Brian. He deleted all of them without listening to them… He didn’t want to hear about how he was screwing up now by not sleeping over, or not going out to Woody’s or Babylon with the boys, or missing Molly’s school play. He knew he was a total fuck up, he didn’t need to be reminded constantly by others; he repeated it to himself in his mind enough times a day.  
He knew he had a shift at the diner to get through tonight and he knew that the only way he possibly could was to cause some sweet pain, not of the emotional kind.   
He entered the bathroom, closed and locked the door and took out a packet of blades he now carried around with him religiously. He popped open a new one and pulled up his pants leg and pushed down his sock. On his ankle were a variety of old and new cuts. He put the blade to his skin, pushed it in and dragged it along. He used a tissue to collect the blood and slumped back against the wall smiling at the pain.  
It was about 10 days prior that Justin had accidentally cut his finger badly at the diner whilst cutting things up and he’d felt release. So now he cut himself whenever he needed that release.   
He’d had to work out a spot on his body that wasn’t obvious, seeing as Brian had him naked a lot of the time and he’d decided his ankles were a good start. Even though about 2 nights ago Brian had thought he’d noticed something…

##### The two men had just finished up with some rather lacklustre sex and were lying wrapped up in each others arms with Justin on Brian’s chest.   
“Hey Jus, did you do something to your ankle?”  
“What!?!”  
“When I had your legs over my shoulders, I thought I saw some cuts…”  
“What are you talking about Brian?” Justin asked trying to act totally shocked at what Brian was asking, even though he knew it to be true…   
He was totally glad when Brian just shrugged and kissed him goodnight. ##### 

He showered – a habit he’d taken up doing about 4 times a day – changed for work at the diner and headed out.

 

*******  
On arrival he noticed everyone was there and that he was working the shift with Debbie and Hunter.  
“Hey Sunshine.” Debbie said as he walked past all of them and into the kitchen to deposit his bag.  
“Hey.” He said on return.  
Brian smiled at the boy who dropped down and placed a light kiss to his lips in way of greeting. Justin then began to work immediately so that he wouldn’t have to answer any questions about school or his other job.  
About an hour later, as the boys were getting ready to head over to Woody’s the chime above the diner door signalled a new customer. Justin looked up and felt a cold chill run through his entire body. He dropped the plate tray he was carrying and stood staring at the new patron.  
Everyone turned to see what happened and followed Justin’s gaze to the door, where a familiar blonde stood.   
Brian rose immediately from his seat as Hobbs made his way into the diner. Hobbs looked at him, smirked and then moved towards Justin. By the time he was in front of him though Brian and Debbie were by Justin’s side.  
“Hey Taylor.”  
Justin just swallowed the large lump in his throat and nodded his head in acknowledgement of the man in front of him.

The whole diner was at a standstill, watching the interaction take place. Most of the regulars knew who Hobbs was from years ago; Hunter even knew from seeing Justin’s old year book and news clippings that Debbie had kept of the bashing.  
“What are you doing here!?!” Brian demanded.  
“I thought I’d come and see whether Taylor here was ready to finish me off yet,” he replied smugly, still looking directly at Justin. Justin just stood still, trying to concentrate on his breathing, “Or I could finish off what I started in the bathroom earlier with you…” Hobbs said, reaching out to touch the boys face.  
Justin quickly took a step back and out of his reach and then turned and headed straight into the bathroom, where he proceeded to throw up the little food he’d eaten that day. Hunter followed him in and sat rubbing his back as the blonde began dry retching once he’d emptied his stomach contents.  
Outside Brian demanded Hobbs tell him what he meant by that comment.  
“Why don’t you ask your whore?”  
Brian lunged at Hobbs but Ben grabbed him before he could inflict any damage.  
“I think you should leave.” Ben stated to the teen.  
Hobbs looked Ben up and down and deciding he couldn’t take someone of his size he promptly turned and left. Everyone stood or sat in shock, still wondering what the hell just happened…

 

*******  
After the incident with Hobbs at the diner, the whole story came out about how Hobbs was working with Justin at the internship. Everybody was shocked and from what Hobbs had said they all managed to gather that Hobbs was trying to do more then work along side their Sunshine.  
Justin had sat in the booth as the guys spoke about what he should do about Hobbs and how he should have told them. He just stared at Brian who wasn’t saying anything at all.

 

*******  
Brian forced Justin to come back to the loft with him soon after. Debbie let him finish his shift early. Once there Brian told Justin to shower and then they’d talk. Justin complied silently, thinking the whole time how he’d let Brian down again.  
Brian stood listening to Justin cry in the shower, thinking about Hobbs. ‘How dare he touch my boy! What must Justin be thinking! God, it’s sexual assault! What if he’d raped him? I wouldn’t know because Justin didn’t tell anyone!’ Brian was making himself sick with these thoughts, worrying about what Hobbs had done or might do to his Justin… Whilst also worrying about why Justin had kept it all to himself…

 

*******  
Justin and Brian lay in bed. Brian had told Justin, when he got out of the shower, that he needed to talk to him and tell him what was happening with Hobbs at work. Justin had told him everything, never once looking him in the eyes and fearing the whole time that Brian would reject him. Brian had promptly informed Justin never to be afraid to tell him anything – nothing would or possibly could change the way he felt about him. After that Brian had taken Justin to bed.  
Justin made sure that Brian was asleep before quietly getting out of bed and going to grab his bag from the front door. He then went into the bathroom; there was no point to locking the door as he had discovered that a couple of days ago the lock had mysteriously disappeared… He popped open a new razor and cut his ankle. He was sitting on the toilet seat wiping up the blood, taking deep breaths, when he heard a noise in the doorway. Slowly raising his head, his blue eyes met a pair of hazel ones…


	6. Taking Steps Towards You, Forever

Brian just stood in the doorway staring at Justin. Their eyes locked on each other for what seemed, to both men, to be forever. But then Justin felt some stray blood running down his foot and had to look away.  
As he was wiping up the stray blood he felt Brian’s hand on his shoulder. He looked up into the hazel eyes once again as Brian lowered himself in front of him. Once Brian was resting on his knees in front of Justin he took some new tissues from the bench and finished wiping up Justin’s newest cut.  
They stayed in those positions for a couple of minutes, as Brian applied pressure to the wound to stop the bleeding. Brian looked at the cut and examined the rest of Justin’s ankle. He lightly traced the older and newer cuts with his fingers…  
“How long?” Brian asked, never once looking up from the cuts on his boy’s leg.  
Justin thought Brian’s voice sounded so thick he might actually be crying. “A couple of days.” He answered.  
Brian took the used razor from the bench top beside them and handed it to Justin. He stood and put his foot against the countertop, pulling up his PJ bottoms to reveal his ankle.  
“Well? What are you waiting for?”  
Justin just stood staring from the razor in his hand to Brian’s ankle, realization finally settling in.  
“What! No, Brian!” He stuttered in shock of what Brian was asking him to do.  
“Why not? If it’s good enough to ease your pain, why not allow me to ease mine?”  
“Yours?”  
Brian sighed, exasperated. “Yes Justin, mine. What you think that you having to face Hobbs again doesn’t affect me? Everyday I’m terrified he’ll do something to you and you won’t return to me from it this time.”  
“I’ll always return to you…” Justin stated in a quiet, mouse like voice.  
“Not if you keep this up! God Justin, how long til your cutting your wrists? What if you go to deep? Just once! Once is all it will take! Then, you won’t return…” Brian was getting very emotional just at the mere thought of that.  
“I would never…”  
“You don’t know that! One mistake, one slip of the blade and it’s over!” Brian shouted, interrupting his lover.  
Justin just sat staring at the razor in his hands. He was pulled out of his thoughts though, once again by Brian’s voice…  
“Well come on. Let’s get this over with.”  
“No!”  
“No? Well if you can’t do it to me, you can’t do it to yourself.”  
“It’s not that simple Brian!” Justin shouted, standing up from his seat.  
Brian lowered his leg and took the boy by his shoulders, holding him at arms length.  
“Yes Justin, it is. Horrible things happen. People do terrible things to others. That doesn’t make it your fault. Hobbs is the fuck up, not you. You’re beautiful and this is no reflection on you.”  
Justin looked Brian in the eye and nodded. He heard what Brian was saying and if it had been anyone else saying it, he wouldn’t have believed them. But coming from Brian it just held so much more weight.  
“I’m sorry.” Justin said softly.  
At that Brian pulled him into a tight embrace. Justin began to cry as all the pain he felt due to Hobbs escaped him in deep, heart wrenching sobs. Brian also gave into a little emotion and shed a few tears as he gently lowered both of them to the floor.  
After Justin had calmed and was just sitting in Brian’s lap, leaning on his chest, Brian ventured to speak again.  
“I’m going to ask you 3 things, ok Justin?” Justin just nodded, “1st we are going to get you professional help to deal with all this. We’ve tried doing it by ourselves before, but this time, we need help…” Justin once again just nodded. He couldn’t object because he knew it was true, “Secondly, you are quitting the internship at COMP first thing tomorrow…” Once again Justin couldn’t object. As he really didn’t want to be around Hobbs any longer, “Thirdly, you’re never to do this again. Ok?”  
Justin just pulled back and lightly kissed Brian’s lips.

 

*******  
Brian and Justin sat on the bathroom floor simply content to be in each others arms.  
“I am sorry… It’s just…” Justin began but was once again interrupted by Brian.  
“You don’t have to explain to me, all I need to know is that you’ll get help and it’ll stop.” Justin nodded, “Good. And sorry’s bullshit.”  
A ghost of a smile crept onto Justin’s face at that. Once again the two men went back to sitting silently in each others arms.  
“I never thought that this would happen here.” Justin commented after awhile.  
“What?”  
“I never thought, that of all places for me to realise this, it would be on your bathroom floor.”  
“Realise what?”  
“That your arms truly are the safest place in the world. And that you really will catch me when I’m falling…” Justin whispered the last part so quietly he wasn’t sure that Brian would hear it.  
“Justin,” Brian made Justin look up to meet his gaze, “This is where we both belong. I’ll always catch you, just as you’ll catch me. We’re partners and you’re safe with me.”  
“I believe that now Brian.”  
With that the two men began to kiss passionately. When it became necessary to break for breath though they pulled apart.  
“Now come on, let’s go back to bed.”  
They both stood up. Brian picking up the used tissues and the discarded razor and threw them in the bin. He took Justin’s hand and led the boy out of the bathroom.  
On the way he stated, “You’re just lucky I had that bathroom cleaned this afternoon. It’s not always that spotless though so don’t make me sit on that floor again, ok?” Brian said, tongue in cheek.  
Justin smiled Brain’s smile. He knew what his man was really telling him and warning him about…   
“I won’t Brian, never again. I promise.”  
With that the two got into bed, wrapped themselves around each other and drifted off to sleep. As he was succumbing to the blank state sleep brought him, one last thought flitted through Brian’s mind…  
‘Justin felt safe with me. Step 2, achieved. Now onto step 3…’


	7. Taking Steps Towards You, Forever

hey there everyone - i am really sorry that it has taken so long to get this out- i meant to tell you al lat the end of the last chapter that i was going away to melbourne for a couple of days so i wouldn't be here to post any new chapters... but im back now so here is the next installment... they should be preety regular once again now that im back at uni... enjoy!

* * *

The next month was spent on getting a restraining order against Hobbs for Justin and getting Justin a good councillor. As he did not want to make a huge deal about what Hobbs had done to him, they had not filed formal sexual assault charges but rather harassment ones and the restraining order had been granted. Justin quit COMP Graphics – forgoing his internship – he and Brian decided that he would concentrate on school for awhile and do another internship; probably back at Vanguard, when he had to get his practical unit components complete.   
Brian and Justin had seen 3 councillors before deciding on one. A Dr. Anthony Barrel. Although Justin generally went to the sessions alone, if he ever wanted Brian to either go in to one with him or wait for him in the waiting room, Brian was always willing to.   
So for a month the boys spent time getting everything settled and even though Brian was still very wary of any continuing problems with Justin, he trusted his boy when he’d promised not to cut again… They had had some close calls, ones where Justin had called Brian in the middle of a work day in tears and Brian would drop everything and rush home to him and just sit with him until it passed, or when Justin would wake up screaming from a nightmare and Brian and him would talk through the urge to run and cut… Brian was quite happy with the progress Justin was making to get through the problem and though he still noticed some weight loss at least he wasn’t cutting himself to death anymore…

 

*******  
Brian and Justin continued on quite happily once everything was settled and they had a routine going with school, work and counselling. Though there was a lot of stuff going on around them and with each of them personally, their relationship seemed to continue going on in the up and up direction.  
Mel and Linds were in full preparation mode for the new addition to the family. Michael and Debbie were both doing all they could to be involved in all that was happening. Ben, Michael and Hunter were playing happy homes still, Hunter settling into a new school and still spending as much free time as possible with Justin. Ted was still making his way through the world of no alcohol and drugs but was finding it a lot easier now. He’d returned to working as an accountant and his friendship with Emmett was returning slowly. Emmett and Vic’s catering/party planning service was still flourishing. Emmett was once again happily single and searching for true love, having decided that it simply wasn’t meant to be with Ted. Vic and Rodney had moved in together and were happy. Though this left Debbie all alone in the house, she was just glad that all her boys and girls had found some level of happiness for the moment.

 

*******  
As all preparation was in overload for the arrival of Melanie and Michael’s baby, alot of changes were going on at the home of Gus and the Munchers. There were small renovations happening to the house which meant it was messy and loud. Unfortunately this turmoil was beginning to cause Gus to be upset and to try to rectify this, the Munchers and Brian had come to the decision that Gus should spend some time out of the house and with his Daddy.  
So it had been arranged that for a couple of weekends Gus would stay at the loft. The plan was for Brian to pick Gus up on Friday nights on his way home from work and drop him back at home on a Monday morning. If this worked out the parents thought they would make it permanent and Brian would have the loft somehow altered to accommodate another bedroom for his little Sonnyboy.  
Brian had wanted to do this not only to be a better father then his own had been but also to show Justin, in one more way, that he was ready to change and wanted to have it all with him. So the first step was to make sure that taking on extra responsibilities with Gus would be ok with Justin. He’d brought it up to be discussed in bed one night…

##### “Justin?”  
“Mmmm…”  
“Wake-up! We need to discus something.”  
At that Justin’s eyes shot open and his head came off Brian’s chest. He’d been getting a lot better since his sessions with Dr. Barrell but he was still struggling with self-esteem issues.  
Justin sat up, crossed his legs and looked at Brian, who also opted to sit up.  
“I was thinking that it would be nice to have Gus come and stay here on the weekends.”  
Justin looked at Brian a little taken a back, and then he got this slightly stricken, panicked look on his face – which didn’t go unnoticed by Brian – before putting on a mask of indifference. Brian decided having seen this that Justin mustn’t like the idea but to press on with his reasoning for why and try and persuade the boy into seeing that it wouldn’t be that bad.  
“So as you know the Munchers are getting work done and well it is upsetting Gus. So I thought it might be good for him to get out of there for the weekends for awhile and if it works out we might make it a little more permanent…”  
“You don’t have to justify to me wanting to spend time with Gus.” Justin smiled his sunshine smile at him, “You’re his father and he loves and needs you and you love and need him. I’m just glad you’re finally doing something about it.”   
Brian eyed Justin warily, before taking the boys hand.  
“Sunshine, tell me what else…”  
Justin looked down at their intertwined hands for a moment before looking up briefly into Brian’s eyes. He then dropped his head once again.  
“If you don’t want me here on the weekends, you just have to ask. Ok?”  
Brian was positively livid and shocked that Justin could think he would not want him here with his son.  
“Sunshine, no! I want you here all the time and one day, when you’re ready you will be. But of course I still want you here with Gus. God, if you’re not here Gus will kill me!”  
At that Justin once again smiled his sunshine smile. #####

Brian smiled at the memory of that conversation as it had led to some great sex between the two lovers. But it also told Brian that Justin was still suffering the depression that had led him to cutting up his ankles.

 

*******  
So it was organised that Gus would begin staying at his father’s loft on weekends, that weekend. All three young men were quite excited about that and were looking forward to it. It had been organised though that for the first weekend Lindsay would drop Gus at the loft instead of Brian picking him up at home. This had been Melanie’s idea, she wanted Linds to go to the loft and make sure that Brian had everything that their son would need and that he wouldn’t get harmed by anything there. Brian was not happy with this but as he wanted his son there so much, he agreed.   
In the days leading up to the weekend, Justin went around the loft and made sure it was child proof, stocked the fridge and the cupboards with more then just booze and poppers, hired some children’s DVDs and made up a bed for Gus on the futon in one of the corners of the loft. Brian really appreciated all the help as he had no idea about some of that stuff.  
By the time Friday night came around both men were ready for the arrival of Brian’s son and were prepared for all possible things they considered could happen. Things like boredom, paint on the floor, crayoned walls, the men were ready. So began their first big weekend together.

 

*******  
When Gus arrived he was extremely excited and wanted his mummy to leave as soon as possible. All Gus wanted was to be alone with his Daddy and his Sunshine. The little boy also had a plan to have his Sunshine all to himself whilst he was there. It’s not that he didn’t mind sharing his things with his father; he just loved Justin sooo much.  
“Sunshine!” Gus ran and jumped into Justin’s arms the moment Lindsay set him down inside the loft.  
“Hey buddy! How are you?” Justin asked as he quickly bent down to catch the boy.  
Gus just held onto his Sunshine and didn’t answer, he was just happy to be with his best friend. Lindsay and Brain just smiled at the pair.   
Whilst the parents made arrangements and did the check of the loft that Mel had insisted on, Gus and Justin made their way into the bedroom.   
“So, what have you been up to?” Justin asked the little boy who still hadn’t let go of his hand.  
“Not much. Had fight with Tony.”  
Justin knew that Tony was a friend of Gus’ from the play group the little boy went to at the GLC.  
“What about?”   
“He doesn’t like Powerpuff Girls and I think they rock. Tony say Pokemon better and me say Powerpuff better, then we fight…” Gus shrugged. He loved talking to Justin. He told this story as it was the most important thing that had happened in his life since he last spoke to Justin yesterday morning. Gus loved that Justin always listened to what he said and gave him advice like he was an adult.  
“Well you know it’s alright to argue, it builds character. But don’t fight too much. As long as you know the truth, that’s all that matters.” Justin told the little boys as they took his shoes off.   
“What’s that?”  
“Powerpuff Girls are certainly better!”  
With that Justin tackled Gus to the bed and began tickling the little boy. And that was how Brian found the pair. 

 

*******  
Brian stood watching his lover and his son, smiling. It was then that he realised he could offer Justin something that nobody else could. Something he knew the boy wanted more then anything. It would be 3rd step – to make Justin see it…  
He knew Justin felt like he’d torn apart his family and he also knew that no matter how many times he was assured he didn’t, he didn’t believe it. He knew Justin loved their dysfunctional family of Debbie, Vic, the boys and the Munchers but that he still felt he didn’t have his own family.  
Brian decided, standing there looking at his two boys, the 3rd step to forever was showing Justin he did in fact have a family. He had a partner who adored him and a kid who worshipped him and that family didn’t exist with Justin. Yes Justin may think that he forced his way into their Liberty family and that he tore apart his parents but he put together this little 3 person family…

As Brian prepared to join his boys on the bed he thought…  
‘The 3rd step is to make sure Justin knew where he fitted in Brian’s life, they were a family.


	8. Taking Steps Towards You, Forever

Gus had been staying at the loft for 3 weekends and Brian was becoming increasingly annoyed with Justin’s disappearing act. Brian desperately wanted Justin to stay with their son for the entire 3 nights that they had the chance to be a family. But Justin kept leaving.  
He’d be there on Friday and Saturday night but would disappear on Sunday mornings. He always said the same thing when Brian questioned him on why he was leaving. “You should have some time alone with your son. A time to be a family.”  
Not to get Brian wrong – he loved spending time one on one with Gus and he was beginning to realise just how glad he was that the little man was around. But he wanted Justin there too. He wanted his lover to share in it as well. He didn’t want all the alone time – he wanted family time.

 

*******  
It was approaching Friday afternoon pick up time, Gus’ forth stay and Brian was driving over to the Munchers to pick up his little boy. As he was making his way through the residential streets he was hoping that he and Justin would not once again have ‘the fight’ with Gus.  
They’d been having the same disagreement since the 1st Friday night the little boy had spent at the loft. The same words were spoken and the same argument had – over sleeping arrangements.

##### “Ok Gus, time for bed little man.” Brain said, walking over to the couch where Gus and Justin were laughing at some DVD Justin had selected called ‘SHREK.’  
“No Daddy! Me no tired yet!” Gus said as he snuggled further into Justin’s side.  
Brian moved to sit at the other end of the couch but Gus immediately stretched out his legs, so that there was no space for him. Brian just looked at his son thinking, ‘Not tired yet my arse. More like not ready to let go of Justin yet!’ Brian was tired of sharing his lover – he thought the three men would be together but his Sonny Boy monopolised his Sunshine’s time. Not that he minded sharing with his son but he wasn’t willing to give up his precious time with his lover… Brian turned and sat in the other, spare seat.  
The 2 and a half men watched ‘SHREK’ until the end, when which Brian realised that Gus had fallen asleep on Justin’s lap. He got up to retrieve the little boy so that Justin could also move but as he lifted him Gus awoke…  
“No, want Justin!” Gus’ little hands gripped Justin tightly, refusing to let go.  
Once again Brian looked at the boy bewildered, before shifting his gaze to Justin. Justin just shrugged and manoeuvred himself up, still holding Gus. He took him over to the futon but once again Gus refused to let go.  
“No! Me stay with you!” Gus looked up at Justin sleepily.  
“Buddy, I got to put you down to go to bed. It’s sleep time.” Justin tried to reason with his little admirer.  
Gus just shook his head and held onto Justin even tighter. Justin eyed Brian and shrugged again.  
“Come on Sonny Boy. It’s bed time. The sooner you’re in bed asleep, the sooner it will be morning and you’ll be awake and able to play with Sunshine again.”   
“No. Me sleep with Sunshine.”  
“No, Sonny Boy. I sleep with Justin.” Brian was realising that Lindsay hadn’t been exaggerating when she told him what his son thought about Justin. He would indeed end up fighting for time with his lover, with his son.   
“No, Daddy. Me sleep with him.”  
“It’s my bed.”  
“Then we sleep out here.” Gus was now wide awake and ready to take on his father for time with his favourite person.  
“He’s my lover.”  
“He’s just mine.”  
“Your what?”  
“Just mine.”  
Justin watched the interaction between father and son take place. His eyes shifting back and forth between his lover and the little boy clutched tightly to his chest. He was just thinking how cute the two were – fighting over him like that when Gus’ next comment slipped through his ears…  
“You don’t share your toys very well, Daddy!”  
“Exactly, mine!”   
“Na ah!”  
“Yea uh!”  
“NO!”  
“YES!”  
“STOP IT!!!” Both Kinney men looked at Justin as if just remembering that he was even still there with them.   
“Firstly, I don’t belong to either of you.” This brought a pout to two pairs of lips, causing Justin to smile a little. “But I love you both so wipe those pouts off your faces.”  
“I don’t pout.” Brian mumbled as he looked away.  
Justin reached up and stroked the side of Brian’s face, bringing his attention back to him. He had a large smile on his face, which caused Brian to smile slightly too. Their little moment was interrupted by Gus though…  
“Sunshine!” The little boy whined. Justin looked back to the boy in his arms, giving him his undivided attention. “Gus sorry. Me just love you so much too. Want to stay with you.”  
Justin’s sunshine smile spread across his face at that.  
“Ok well how about I sleep with you tonight and we’ll see how we go?” Gus smiled triumphantly, “Ok let’s get cleaned up.”   
Justin turned and took the little boy to the bathroom. Over his shoulder Gus stuck his tongue out at his father, smiling smugly at Brian’s frown.

 

*******  
Brian came into the bathroom, following closely behind his two boys. He watched as Justin put toothpaste on Gus’ brush and then put a cup with gargling water beside the sink.  
“Brian can you watch him whilst I get some PJ’s for him?”  
Brian just nodded as Justin walked past him and into the bedroom.   
Brian watched his little boy who was still looking at him smugly…  
“What?” Brian asked finally.  
“I knew Sunshine choose me.”  
“Oh yeah and how’d you know that?”  
“I told him I love him.”  
“So…”  
“You never tell him, therefore you don’t. People always choose people who love them. We love each other.”  
Brian just looked at his son astonished that he would think that he didn’t love Justin.   
“I show him that I do all the time…”  
Gus just looked at him and shrugged. Before turning back to clean his teeth though he left Brian with a parting thought. One that made the phrase – ‘From the mouths of Babes…’ pop into his head…  
“It’s not the same Daddy.”

 

*******  
Justin came back into the room shortly after, holding Gus’ PJ’s. He looked at Brian strangely, trying to figure out why the man looked so confused. He lightly touched his lover’s hand to get his interest. Brian shifted his gaze from his son to Justin and read the questioning look on his face. He just grabbed Justin in a quick, fluid motion. Taking the boy’s shoulders and pulling him into a heated kiss. When they pulled apart he looked at Justin for a little while. His face was peaceful and full of emotion and he willed Justin to know what he couldn’t say yet.   
“I know Brian.” Was all Justin said quietly, touching Brian’s face so softly.   
And with those few words and that gentle touch, Brian’s whole world was once again spinning on the right axis. All that mattered to him was that Justin knew.   
Gus coughed to get their attention, causing Justin to turn away from Brian and kneel down to begin redressing the child. It was Brian’s turn to look at his son smugly.  
Justin then picked up Gus and carried him out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, Brian closely following. Justin put the boy down on the big bed and motioned for Brian to also get in.  
“No! Sunshine, I sleeping with you.” Gus whined at Justin.  
Justin smiled at the little boy and touched his cheek, “I thought we’d all sleep together.”  
Gus pouted but pulled Justin onto the bed with him. Gus settling in the middle…   
“I don’t think so Sonny Boy. I’m sleeping next to Justin.”  
Gus started to complain but Justin silenced him.  
“Stop it you two. I’ll sleep in the middle.”  
Both Kinney men eyed each other wearily before settling on either side of Justin.

 

*******  
The next morning Justin awoke to find the two Kinney’s snuggled into his sides. He looked at Brian, who was eyeing him, no doubt watching him sleep. He smiled slightly before pointing out to his lover…  
“I think you reverted 30 years last night.”  
Both men just smiled as the fingers on their hands interlinked with each other over Justin’s chest. #####

Brian laughed at the memory as he pulled into the Munchers driveway. Every night that Gus had stayed since that first one they’d ended up compromising and sharing the bed with Justin. Every night except Sunday nights. His smile was replaced by a frown. He planned to fix that this weekend.

 

*******  
It was Sunday morning and Brian could see from his spot at the computer that Justin was packing up in preparation to head off. He glanced at Gus, who was glued to some cartoon on the television set, before getting up and making his way over to his lover.  
“Why don’t you stay?”  
“Huh?” Justin looked up from his packing to look at Brian.  
“I said, you should stay.”  
“You know I can’t.”  
“Why?”  
Justin just looked at Brian confused.  
“Stay!”  
“Brian, we talked about this…”  
“No, you talked about it.” Brian interrupted the boy, “You decided to leave on Sunday’s. Now I’m telling you to stay.”  
“But then I’ll be here basically all week.”  
“Maybe you should be… Here all week I mean…”  
Justin once again looked up at Brian totally shocked and shaking his head as if to clear it. He then went back to packing his bag. Brian lightly touched his arm to get him to look at him again.  
“Why won’t you stay?”  
“You two need family time.” As he said this he motioned over towards Gus with his head.  
Brian just shook his head, “Its family time on Friday’s and Saturday’s. Sunday’s aren’t family time.”   
“What do you mean? I’m here on Friday’s and Saturday’s…”  
“Exactly. It’s only family time when you and Gus are both here.” Brian took Justin’s hand as he watched his boy, willing him to hear what he was really telling him.  
But Justin just stared at Brian disbelievingly. His heart willing him to be able to accept the love Brian was trying to give him but his head was fighting against it. ‘How could he be part of a family – he tore families apart…’  
Brian watched the confliction play across Justin’s beautiful face. His blue eyes clouding over. He took Justin’s face in his hands…  
“Listen to me. Are you listening to me?” Justin nodded slowly, raising his eyes to meet Brian’s look. “I know you think that you tore apart your own family. I know that you think you disrupted the lives of the liberty family we have. I know you think you caused massive upheaval in my life… but I know the truth Sunshine. I know no one would change all that’s happened. Not your mum, not your sister, not one member from liberty. And more then any of them, I know I wouldn’t change a thing.” Justin was crying now and Brian slowly wiped his tears away. “Baby, this family – Gus, you and me – it doesn’t exist without you. I never wanted it until you. I never knew what it even felt like to have a family until you. You’re my family Justin.”  
Justin and Brian just stood holding each other for awhile. Brian just content to have his boy in his arms and Justin letting go of some of the demons of his past. 

 

*******  
Justin pulled away from Brian and looked at his half packed bag sitting on the bed. Brian, seeing what his lover was looking at picked up the backpack and tipped it upside down, all of its contents falling on the bed. Effectively unpacking it.  
“Stay with us.”  
Justin just smiled his special Brian smile and if Brian wobbled at the knees a little at that same moment, he’d swear they weren’t connected.  
“I’m going to start lunch.” Justin said pulling back and making to walk round Brian towards the kitchen. Brian stopped him, wiped a stray tear away and kissed him before swatting him on the arse and sending him in the direction of the kitchen.  
Brian’s attention was then drawn to his son, standing staring at him. The little boy had a half smile, half frown on his face…  
“You did good Dad, but it’s still not an I love you.” The little boy then turned and followed Justin into the kitchen.  
Brian just shook his head. No it wasn’t, but it was close. Now he’d accomplished Justin knowing he was his family it wouldn’t be too much further to saying it aloud to his boy. He’d make sure Justin heard him pronounce his love and he’d make sure the boy knew this family was forever. But first he needed Justin to be living with him, so that he saw he really meant all the words he was about to give him. Yes step 4 was getting Justin to move back in with him – permanently.   
He smiled and followed Gus, to Justin, in the kitchen. Realising that he’d follow anyone and anything if it led him to Justin and it would seem to him that his whole life had led him to right here… No he wouldn’t change any of it, as long as it ended with Justin standing with his son, in soon-to-be ‘their’ kitchen.


	9. Taking Steps Towards You, Forever

For a couple of weeks after that discussion in Brian’s bedroom things went swimmingly for the men. Justin was spending nearly 5 nights a week at the loft and Brian couldn’t be happier… Except for if his young lover was there all the time. 

Brian and the Munchers had come to the conclusion that Brian would keep Gus every weekend from now on. So Brian had decided that it was time to renovate so that the boy had his own bedroom. Brian didn’t really believe that the loft was big enough for all of the 3 men to stay in though, so this had led Brian to deciding to make an offer on the attic space, in the building, that was directly above his apartment level and could only be accessed at present by the super.

Brian’s offer was accepted almost immediately, as was his suggestions on the renovations he wanted to be made to the space and to his own loft. He’d decided that he would have the space made into a large bedroom for himself and Justin, add a bathroom, make a studio and have a small office space. Also upstairs would be a small sitting area and TV. But as Brian intended to be spending his spare time in bed with Justin, not on the couch, this area didn’t really need to be that big.

So this meant that downstairs would also need to be renovated. It needed to have a stairway added for access to the upper loft, needed to have 2 bedrooms closed off and have the rest reopened up. The kitchen was staying downstairs – though he wasn’t sure how much Justin’s appetite would appreciate that… 

At first Brian thought that he’d just get the bedroom put in for Gus but he’d decided after some careful consideration, to get two installed. This was because, if he was honest and thought about the future, which he seemed to be doing a lot of these days, he thought that he might like to have a child with Justin. He thought that he would love for Justin to also have the opportunity to do as he had done, but maybe this time, the child would be theirs…

Brian had decided that he would have the upstairs renovated first, so that they could continue living downstairs and then when it was finished they would be able to stay upstairs for awhile. This also worked out as Brian knew that renovations annoyed his son and this way meant that at no stage were the adjustments encroaching on the living space. 

So renovations on the attic loft began on the 6 month anniversary since Stockwell’s defeat in the Pittsburgh Lord Mayoral Elections. This date was also significant to Brian for other reasons… It also marked 6 months since he had given up tricking and he knew that Justin had also not tricked in that time, so it meant that if they were to get tested together now, they would be able to take another step in their relationship… But first Brian was more worried with actually getting the blonde to move in with him, and not freak out about the changes that were being made. 

 

*******

 

Justin was on his way back to Daphne’s for the first time in like 4 nights, to shower, wash some clothes and pack a new bag for a weekend at Brian’s. As had become customary, he wouldn’t be in the place that people called his ‘home’ for longer then a night. The term ‘home’ was used very loosely when describing the living quarters. Justin was trudging along slowly from the bus stop to the apartment, thinking about how far himself and Brian had come in the previous 6 months…

Justin still felt a little shocked and awed at what had become of their once undefined, unconventional relationship. Now as far as he knew, Brian considered him his family, committed to a real relationship with him and the main shocker – they had been monogamous for like 6 months. This thought alone sent shivers through Justin’s entire body. 

The thought scared Justin some what as that little voice in his head, that liked to pop up still on occasion, told him that he didn’t really disserve Brian doing all that for him. Changing his whole life for a piece of blonde boy arse… 

These thoughts were creeping into Justin’s mind and his hands started twitching and for the first time in a couple of weeks he felt the need to grab a razor and cut himself. 

Trying to shake the thoughts out of his mind didn’t seem to work and so Justin just let his brain race away with the immense pleasure he had received whilst cutting himself…

As Justin rounded the corner to his street, he saw the Corvette parked out front of his building, with Brian leaning up against the bonnet. Justin fidgeted a little, feeling guilty about the thoughts that he had just been having. He’d promised Brian that he would tell him if things were wrong, but he decided as he made his way over to the man that he didn’t need to be loaded down with more of his shit so he’d just keep it to himself. 

When he got close enough to Brian he saw the smile spread on the older man’s face and his sunshine smile made its way onto his own features. Brian, loving the sight of this smile made a move to get off the car and go towards his partner. They both moved together and were soon standing a few steps from each other, smiling at each other stupidly. 

“Hey stranger. Long time, no see.” Justin said mockingly, knowing perfectly well they’d been together only that morning at the loft.

“Shut-up and kiss me.” Brian replied, tongue in cheek.

Justin once again flashed his famous smile before stepping into the arms of the man he loved and kissing him sweetly on the lips. Brian’s arms found their way around his boy and his hands were resting softly on his arse. When Justin tried to pull away form the kiss, Brian deepened it by pulling him tighter to his body and massaging his butt…

“Brian!” Justin said squirming to get out of his partner’s grip. “We’re in the middle of the street…”

“You know me and public places…” Brian smirked.

Justin simply shook his head and led Brian upstairs to his and Daphne’s apartment by the hand.

 

*******

 

Once inside Justin went straight to the fridge to grab some food. He pulled out two bottles of water and chucked 1 to Brian. Both men then proceeded wordlessly into Justin’s room.

“Oh My God! It’s tidy!” Brian said in mock shock.

“Shut up! I know, it’s scary! And it’s entirely your fault.” Justin laughed at Brian’s honest to god shocked reaction to seeing the floor of the bedroom for like the first time since Justin had moved his stuff into the room. 

“How so Sunshine? How is this my fault?”

“I’m never here to mess it up. All my shits at your place!”

Brian couldn’t really argue with that. His loft was looking a whole lot more lived in of late, and he just loved it!

“That’s where it should be…” Brian replied quietly, looking Justin directly in the eyes as he said it, so that the boy would understand that it wasn’t just some passing comment, he really meant what he was saying.

Justin just eyed Brian strangely for a second before beginning to potter around his room. Brian had been dropping quite a few subtle hints of late that he wanted Justin to be at the loft more often. Justin wouldn’t actually have been surprised if Brian asked him to move in with him soon. But the boy didn’t want to get his hopes up and expect too much. 

Brian, sensing the shift in Justin’s attitude tried to lighten the tension…

“So Daphne must be beginning to think that she’s living with the invisible man…”

Ah yes, Brian thought, that had the desired effect. A ghost of a smile appeared on his boy’s face. 

Brian then proceeded to help Justin repack his backpack with the clothes he would need for the weekend with himself and Gus. After that Justin and him went down to the buildings washroom and put on a load of Justin’s dirty clothes that he’d brought back with him. They then went back into the apartment to hang out. 

“So what are you doing here?” It suddenly occurred to Justin to ask.

“Oh I knew you’d be coming here for the night so I thought I might just stay here too.”

Justin looked at Brian a little shocked at first, but then his sweet, only for Brian smile took over his features.

 

*******

 

Later that night, whilst the two were lying in bed, Brain decided to tell the blonde a little about the renovations taking place in the attic above the loft. 

He’d decided to be a little vague so that he could gauge Justin’s reaction to it all and he didn’t want the blonde to think that his addition of the studio was just a ploy to trap him into moving in right away. For as much as he wanted Justin to be there, he’d never do that…

“So Sunshine, somebody brought the attic space above the loft…”

“Really? I’d imagine that a lot needs to be done to make that space liveable. Do you know what’s going to happen to it?” Justin asked, his curiosity peaked at the thought of someone new moving in above them, Brian, them – well you know what he means.

“Renovating it to live in would be my guess.” Brian said, still deliberately being a little vague.

“Oh well that would be nice. The windows in that area are bigger than yours – imagine the great lighting that place would get. And probably all day and night too! Sunlight, moonlight – it’s get it all…” Justin’s mind momentarily lapsed into the thoughts of the great art that could be produced under such picturesque conditions. 

Brian just simply smiled. That’s exactly what he’d been thinking about the space. He figured that he’d tell Justin that it was their’s just before they had to move out of the current loft and into that one. It would also be then that he asked the boy to move in permanently. 

Brian fell asleep with a slight smile on his face and his blonde angel across his chest…

 

*******

 

Justin lay awake for awhile, content to be held in Brian’s arms. He was actually feeling pretty happy, thinking about how things were going right now. He was real happy that for once Brian was in his bed. Brian didn’t often spend the night at Daphne’s apartment with him and it felt nice to know that he followed him across town. It was good to know that Brian had missed him and wanted to be with him all the time.

It was at that thought that Justin’s little inner demon voice presented itself again. Maybe Brian hadn’t in fact missed him, but missed having someone to fuck before going to bed. Yeah that was probably it. Justin suddenly felt so heavy under those thoughts and decided to move about a little to try and clear his mind. He shifted out of Brain’s arms and when the older man didn’t wake he continued to get out of the bed and head to the bathroom. 

Once inside he closed the door and switched on the light. He couldn’t lock the door, as just as at the loft there were no locks anymore. After the last episode of cutting, Brian had taken away all the places that Justin could lock himself away in. Justin just stared at his reflection in the mirror. Willing himself to not listen to the voices battling in his head. He really wanted to just be happy with what was happening with him and Brian, he didn’t want to second guess it. So there he found himself, at 3.17am staring at his reflection, willing himself to be strong enough not to pull out that one blade that he knew Brian hadn’t collected in his ransacking of this apartment and the loft. 

 

*******

 

Brian awoke with a start and realised that Justin was no longer in his arms or even in the bed. He looked around the room and saw that the bedroom door was open and that across the hall; the light underneath the bathroom door was on. He waited a while for Justin to come out and return to him but after about 5 minutes he realised that it wasn’t going to happen any time soon. 

Brian slowly made his was across the room, careful not to walk into anything in the dark. The fleeting thought that he was lucky the room was tidy went through his mind.

When he arrived outside the bathroom door he thought about knocking to let the boy know that he was there, but he decided that he would just go in and see what was going on. He wasn’t really prepared though for the site that greeted him when he swung the door open. 

There was Justin sitting on the toilet, holding a tissue to his thigh and on the counter there was a small blade. SHIT! 

“WHAT THE…”

Brian quickly bent down in front of the crying blonde and took the tissue from him to inspect the cut that he was so sure he would find. But when he pulled Justin’s hand away he didn’t find some horrible cut that they would need to apply like 3 bottles of Vitamin E oil to lessen the extent of the scarring to, no instead he found a little prick in the skin. His eyes quickly flitted up to the blonde’s face and instead of the pained expression he thought he’d find, the boy was smiling slightly through the tears. 

“Justin, what the hell?” 

“I was going to. I thought about it and I couldn’t get that stupid voice to shut up and I thought, yeah just one more time, just release a little tension. But then…” Justin stopped and looked at Brian dead on in the eye.

“What Justin, then what?”

“I thought of you, and my promise and your promises and how I just, I just have everything I want right now and I don’t want to lose it and I thought, I’m ok, I can do this – you’re here and I’m not alone. So I didn’t do it, I stopped.”  
Brian and Justin just stared at each other for some time. Justin finally accepting that Brian was there for him and that he was enough and Brian realising that he had accomplished in showing Justin that he wasn’t alone, they were each other’s family and that thought that been what had gotten Justin through. 

“Come on baby, go back to bed.”

Justin just nodded mutely and got up and walked back into his bedroom. Brian watched from where he stood in the bathroom as the blonde crawled back into bed and under the covers. He turned and looked at the blade on the counter top. He stared at it for awhile and then smiled. They’d beaten it. He knew that maybe that wasn’t the end but they had done it, together. He picked up the blade and threw it in the dust bin before also heading back to the bed.

Brian climbed in and pulled his lover flush against him, kissing his forehead.   
“I finally feel like I’m in control.” Justin said in an almost whisper.

“You are baby. You did it. You looked it in the face and defeated it.” Brian didn’t think he’d ever been more proud of Justin and knowing that he was part of the reason for the blonde stepping back from the edge, filled him with a joy he couldn’t express. 

“I feel like I’m free. How stupid is that…” Justin paused and Brian stayed quiet, sensing there was more that he needed to say and he didn’t want to interrupt. “It’s just I felt like I was trapped and this voice in my head just wouldn’t let me go and no matter what I wanted it kept telling me I couldn’t have it. Then when I was in there, I was starring in the mirror and I was thinking about how I’m not enough and then I got out the blade and then just as I put it to my skin, I thought – you do disserve this, you do disserve this chance, to be happy… So I stopped. Then I just thought how I’m free.”

Brian rolled the two of the over so that he laid his entire body on top of the boy. Knowing that he loved that because it made him feel protected, as if all the parts of him that Brian’s body covered were untouchable. 

“Justin…” Brian murmured into the boy’s neck.

“Hmmm.”

“I love you.”

Justin smiled and ran his hand up Brian’s back…

“I already knew that old man. Who doesn’t.”

And there it was, the old Justin. The one who wasn’t afraid. The one who knew where he belonged and wasn’t afraid to go after what he wanted. And there was Brian, smiling now uncontrollably. His boy was back and soon he would back living with him in their loft.

Brian kissed Justin tenderly and rejoiced in the beautiful smile that the man was giving him. They continued kissing, their passion escalating as it often did and as they both climaxed they stated their shared love and then fell into a peaceful, restful sleep.


End file.
